Something need doing? 1.30.06
So, on a secondary thought. Things to do/ write about:
-A little elaboration on the past few vague posts.
and rejection of Existentialism (That is a bit deep and personal.. it will be hard to write about).
-Hosting the Propsi.
-Change of atmosphere. I don't go out anymore, *sigh*.
*Check out the College Democrats meeting tonight. 9pm Stuy Smoker.
*Smoking the Hookha with Kiena (and maybe Brigette?) on Thursday.
)Set up GunBound account.
)Get a new layout and remodel the Blog.
)Also update the links.
Strangers.
After a tiring walk back to my room from my 11-12 class, I turn on the computer to check my mail and begin my zoology literature research assignment.
I am so confused. I have a comment posted on my blog?
Who wants to read this incomplete, sometimes whiny and self-pitying blog?
I mean, seriously it gets sometimes more personal and whiny /a way of emotional release than any real notepad of observation.
Though I do wish to work on that... my writing skills need some work at the least. My thinking, too.
I need some coffee or a nap... the walk back and forth makes me so tired.
When I purchased guilt by sinning, I was looking for certainty that at heart things were pure.
How stupid was I not to think of what else came .
It's not only he who would evaluate my actions. There are still others who would never forgive me. Important others.
I'm stigma'ed, devalued. Not only on my own judgement of myself.
How can I, alone, provide everything I hope to now?
Final Schedule
I finally have my final schedule arranged. It's such a bitch...
M W F
Animal and their Environment 11:00 - 11:50
F: Plant Signal Transduction Lab 12:00 - 2:00
French Grammar 2:10 - 3:00
T R
Religions of the East 8:00 - 9:50
T: Plant Signal Transduction Lab 10:00 - 12:00
R: Zoology Lab 1:10 - 4:00
Intermediate Arabic 4:10 - 5:30 pm
Canada
I read this morning that Canada's newly elected conservative president plans to revisit the issue of Gay Marriage, which Canada had legalized.
For one,
I don't understand this surgence of conservatism, fundamentalism, ect that is happening all over the world. What causes a nation to go from liberal to conservative? I'm not sure what happened in 2000, but lately the conservatives have been rallying support because of Security issues, Terrorist Threats. Though, I don't think only a conservative Republican can do those jobs; frankly I don't think the government is doing a good job about it. I wonder if the government is as big of a threat as the terrorists.
No, it's not the government. It's people.
Even before being attacked, there was a surgence of some Christian conservatism, which has been linked with all this government. I remember arguing passionately about Abortion, Gay Marriage, Capital punishment and only hearing "This is a nation founded on Christian beliefs and abortion/gay marriage are just wrong." or "The Bible says..."
Then, after we started the war on Terrorism, Bush and his "I'm on a mission from God..."
I'm sorry, the country was founded on seperation of church and state. We have a 'civil religion', adhering only to Justice, Equality, Freedom, Opportunity. Yes we have rule by the people, but our model of Democracy is the best because of our other ideals. What's wrong with some of the other democracies? They don't promote or protect these ideologies. You know what happens.
"A mission from God.." The Christian God. Al Qaeda isn't real Islam or anything.. it's wrong. This mission is the same.
I can't stand this backwards, intolerant, uneducated, "I don't care, I can do what I want to" attitude.
If you want a conservative (adhering to traditions) vision, why don't you think about this:
Since when did looking into an ugly, intolerant past make a better future for our next generation?
Leaving a better world for your protege used to be a traditional value.
It's too dangerous...
I can't go now.
Blogs to Write
I have a few posts to make on different subjects, but I don't have much time to do it. So.. I'll list them before I forget, I suppose.
A few Recurring dreams.
Plant Signal Transduction.
Current Events.
Things to do, some more.
Don't forget this shite, Natalie...
1. GO TO CLASS AT 8:00. Get your damn blue slip signed.
2. Cell Biology Placement exam at 12:00 in CWSC 325.
Breakfast with Ben at 8:00 Friday.
Arabic is meeting next monday.
Plant Signal Transduction is meeting next monday.
"Junesong Provision" - Coheed and Cambria
good morning sunshine awake when the sun hits the sky
look up the sounds that surround the day you died
she waits for me outside near a hole in the ground
in the one way thinking you might get the upper hand
dear newo ikkin how's apollo been treating you?
has he been a good boy since the day i left?
give him my love and a sweet kiss for his head
cause i won't be coming home, when you get this i'll be dead
norris and larry, gloria to nowhere
sir, i think you'd better take my hand and pray we'll make this one out alive
captain! we've lost all systems control then son i'll see you in my sleep
is it all you've shared with them that makes us paranoid?
is it the dream that one day you might be something you're not?
is it all you've shared with them that makes us paranoid?
is it the dreams that makes us real?
we'll miss you and wait for you when you come
wrong way, right way bad luck what god has been giving me
we'll miss you and wait for you when you come
wrong way, right way bad luck you've got to be kidding me
i've spent so long sitting down here,
paper cut my heart in half and discard the evidence
when it's yours come send me the last half
dowsed in kerosene in a torched, blazed blood bath
when boy sets fire god knows you've lost at a cost that has no price
when you've purchased guilt
stand at attention and make sure you know lines and yourself
yet you'd say i'll be home alone again waiting
wait for me alright, i'm still a boy down there when you want to promise me that
to drive down where's wednesday
Spring '06 Schedule
well tentative...
M W F
11:00 - 11:50 ZOOL115, Animals and their Environment
2:10 - 3:00 FREN225, Intensive French Grammar Review
M: Arranged, Plant Signal Transduction
M: Night- Intermediate Arabic
T R
8:00 - 9:50 REL104, Religions of the East
R: 1:10 - 4:00 ZOOL Lab, Zoology lab
In a way, I am still living the dreams I had as a child. A few of them, anyway. I had a lot of dreams. I came to Ohio Wesleyan talking all about genetics and lab work. But since then my passion for anthropology and sociology and languages has been reawakened. I think that is where I may want to go.
Is there anybody else who still has the same passions they had as a child? Or does everybody grow out of it?
Blind Leading the Blind
Does anybody really have an idea?
Sacrifice freedom for security,
Sacrifice control for security,
Sacrifice justice for security.
I can't hold an argument because as soon as I cite a story, anything, the other side waves it off, "It's the media controlled by Liberals who are still upset over losing the 2000 election."
That's the vantage point of the people in power: Anything that disagrees with your methods is the criticsm of a sore, whiny bitch who is mad because it's not in power. Nothing but your own thinking is valid.
Three cheers for the #1 Democracy.
1. Research the library on KSA / Jeddah
2. Research news databanks on new King and social development
3. Get Maps of Jeddah... mark checkpoints at Tahlia St.
4. research checkpoints
Things to do
1. Write the Embassy in Saudi Arabia about a visa and background check on Mishal and Camilia.
2. Clean room since father demands it.
3. Write Kshiti.
4. Call Kiena about hooka smoking and seeing Memiors of a Geisha.
(I'm still sick, I shouldn't be smoking...)
5. Call Freddy.
6. Get Camilia's contact information.
When out:
1. Shop for books on Saudi Arabia/ Jeddah and customs.
2. Look for Asian Dub Foundation or Dhamaal Soundsystem music.
3. Go to Seafood Japan.
4. Look for a book for Evie.
Don't forget: Evie wants you to teach her camp students about botany over the summer.
Sorry, this is melodrama.
I have never felt further away from him.. than I have in the past few days..
I learned that I can't get a visa and getting his will be difficult and also take forever..
reading "we will meet, someday" absolutely broke my heart. I had hoped.. counted so much... on feeling like this was close.. It got me through some of the worst times..
I shouldn't complain now, I shouldn't be so depressed.
I'll go on without a second thought or glance for another semester, another summer, another year or more. We will get there. But we're both fighting to manifest something that we should have, and everyone knows that not having contact with the person you love makes you feel miserable without them.. We both knew it would be hard for this reason.
We have so much geographic, cultural (for my family and other Americans) and political distance to close. I thought the first and hardest step was over, but we've been pushed back again..
I don't want drastic action.. I just want to recover from feeling like crap because of this blow. I want us both to feel good again but so many things have kept us from spending good time together this week. I can't help thinking about it. I feel like crap when he's not around, and I'm worrying so much I can't sleep. When he's here we're not communicating.. we're both too wound up. What wouldn't I give to take care of him now.. to make us feel together and better.
