Pufferfish@

Sorry, this is melodrama.

I have never felt further away from him.. than I have in the past few days..
I learned that I can't get a visa and getting his will be difficult and also take forever..
reading "we will meet, someday" absolutely broke my heart. I had hoped.. counted so much... on feeling like this was close.. It got me through some of the worst times..

I shouldn't complain now, I shouldn't be so depressed.
I'll go on without a second thought or glance for another semester, another summer, another year or more. We will get there. But we're both fighting to manifest something that we should have, and everyone knows that not having contact with the person you love makes you feel miserable without them.. We both knew it would be hard for this reason.
We have so much geographic, cultural (for my family and other Americans) and political distance to close. I thought the first and hardest step was over, but we've been pushed back again..

I don't want drastic action.. I just want to recover from feeling like crap because of this blow. I want us both to feel good again but so many things have kept us from spending good time together this week. I can't help thinking about it. I feel like crap when he's not around, and I'm worrying so much I can't sleep. When he's here we're not communicating.. we're both too wound up. What wouldn't I give to take care of him now.. to make us feel together and better.

posted by Natticus @ 10:52 PM