Pufferfish@

screwed up

I had a post, one that i deleted. I was venting at a time when things weren't moving, couldn't move because of bureaucracy and paperwork and waiting periods. I kind of blamed it on Mishal, hinted at horrible things I shouldn't have hinted at. I wanted to talk, the thought of leaving didn't cross my mind.
I was pretty upset, and understandably. I mean, it's hard to go from talking everyday to less often and with flaking to suddenly not at all without much of a notice to speak from.
Nevertheless, Mishal read it and I really think blew it out of proportion. He's pissed at me.. I don't know if he wants to leave me or not. I have all these horrible thoughts of what might be going through his mind right now to make him react like this.

God knows he probably thinks I want to end this, that I'm flirting with someone else, or something of that sort. It's not the case at all. I swear, i swear, i swear I have been nothing but concerned for him and worried about what's going on. I really wish he didn't shut in so much all the time.

God damnit, thigns wouldn't happen like this if I could just keep quietly. I just want to talk to him. But.. I have a feeling that he's so hurt that he might avoid me. I think our imaginations are doing us in... That's the biggest problem...

please, i hope he didn't walk out on his visa paperwork.

posted by Natticus @ 1:04 PM